


Five Times Tony (Almost) Didn’t Get What He Wanted

by storiesfortravellers



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shop, Angst with a Happy Ending, Developing Relationship, Flirting, M/M, anger issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-08
Updated: 2013-03-08
Packaged: 2017-11-28 14:30:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/675442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesfortravellers/pseuds/storiesfortravellers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU: Bruce owns a coffeeshop where scientist Tony loves to get caffeinated to help him work. (Both are 25-30 years old.) Tony decides that he wants to date the hot shy guy who makes his coffee. Includes some arguments and angst and Bruce's anger issues. Lots of romance and banter.</p><p>Written for Trope Bingo for the "Coffeeshop AU" square.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“So… can I get a grandíssimo strawberry crème frappé with a shot of guava syrup?” Tony offered the coffee shop owner a courteous smile.

“We don’t have any of those words,” Bruce replied, just a tad amused.

“Really? Because I was really in the mood for that. You can’t make it for me special? I assure you, I deserve it,” Tony said, looking up from under his eyelashes.

“Yeah, I’m sure you deserve the world, but we don’t have any of that. Which you know. Since you’ve been coming here every night for a month,” Bruce said. 

Tony gave a bright smile and feigned surprise badly. “Oh. So you’ve noticed me? What would you say made you first notice me? Was it the hair? A lot of people say it’s the hair. Bonus points if you say it’s my eyes. Double bonus if you say my eyes suggest that I have hidden depths.”

Bruce raised an eyebrow. “Really? You’ve allowed a line like _that_ to work on you?”

“First time for everything. Seriously, I’m flattered that you think I’m your most memorable customer.”

“I said that I remembered you, not that – you know what, never mind.”

“No really, what’s the most memorable thing about me? Is it the charming thing? It’s not on purpose, it just comes naturally to me. Just kidding, it’s totally on purpose. But really, what do you remember about me?”

Bruce put his hands on the counter and leaned over, tilting his head just slightly. “I remember that for 30 nights in row, you’ve ordered an extra-large latte with a quadruple shot of espresso, you’ve made an ambiguously sexual comment about my coffee-pouring skills, and then you’ve spent all night studying plans for a clean energy system. It’s an unusual combination.”

Tony stared for a second. “Whoa, you’re into science? I thought you were just the hot coffeeshop guy.”

Bruce smiled despite himself. “So why the new coffee order?” he said, forcing his face neutral. 

“Old plan wasn’t working.”

“Your plan was to say vulgar but euphemistic things to me in a series of incredibly brief conversations until we …?”

“Slept together. Yeah. You’d be surprised how often it works.”

Bruce furrowed his brow. “Yeah. Great. Look, you’re – you know, very nice, but I’m really not looking for a relationship.”

“Friends with benefits?” Tony asked immediately.

Bruce let out a puff of air, almost a laugh. The guy was persistent if nothing else. “No, that’s just not my thing. But you know, thanks. Do you… still want your latte?”

“Sure. And it’s Tony, by the way. I’m a postdoc at the university.”

“Physics, engineering, or materials science?” Bruce asked as he began making Tony’s coffee.

“Wow, you are sharp. Interdisciplinary fellowship. A foot in all three fields. Which I guess means I would need three feet. That’s wasn’t an innuendo by the way. Though it could be. If I said three legs--” 

“My name’s Bruce,” he interrupted, mostly to stop that line of discussion.

“Bruce,” Tony said with a grin. “So I know your name, I know where you work, I know you’re into science, and I know you always give me free refills.”

“I give all my customers one free refill. Good for business.”

“But you put your heart into it when it’s my drink. Admit it.”

Bruce laughed as he rubbed the bridge of his nose.

“Okay. Okay. How about this?” Tony said, suddenly looking smug. “Let’s go on one date. Let me take you out.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Tony thought for a moment, and then said, “Then have coffee with me. That’s not a real date.”

“People come here for dates all the time. It’s a real date.” He handed Tony his latte.

“Not when you’re the barista, it’s not a real date. Take your break at my table. Have coffee with your customer. That’s it,” Tony said, smirking. As if he had all the certainty in the world that having coffee with him would entrance Bruce into wanting a relationship.

 _Not likely,_ Bruce thought. But then he thought, _better safe than sorry._

“No. Not… not this time.”

Tony grinned, excited. “Next time, then? Awesome.”

Bruce sighed. _How the hell did that happen?_


	2. Chapter 2

They did have coffee together. 

More than once.

They talked about everything. 

Not about themselves so much. Or their families or their pasts.

But everything else. Which movie directors were overrated, and which killed off characters merely for dramatic effect. The best and worst books they had read lately, the new Matisse exhibit downtown, the newest trendy small plates restaurant and the classic debate over whether small plates were, in fact, better than large plates. They talked about whether respectful conversation or slamdunk arguments and mockery were better ways to approach people with terrible ideas about politics (and it was no surprise which side Tony came down on). They talked about live music and the future of vinyl and which decade produced the best music (with a fierce debate pitting the 60s against the 70s). 

They also talked about science. Tony had finally been able to get a part of Bruce’s story – that Bruce was in grad school for biochem with a side interest in bioengineering and genetics, but for whatever reason it hadn’t worked out, and that he was way happier owning a coffeeshop than he had been spending 19 hours a day in a lab. Tony didn’t quite see the appeal, but Bruce still liked science. Better yet, he was brilliant enough to go toe to toe with Tony. The two of them talked about CERN and the Higgs Boson, the trouble with string theory, the effects of epigenetics on various traits, the best ways to predict subcellular localization. They discussed whether e to the pi-i plus one had philosophical significance. They talked in such detail about the plausibility of time travel that it made both of their heads spin. Bruce even offered brilliant suggestions on Tony’s latest project after only a quick look at Tony’s notes, prompting Tony to lean back in his chair, fold his arms and shake his head, and say, “Dammit, Banner, that may be the hottest thing you’ve ever said.”

So overall, Tony thought, things were going well. For the most part. 

Well, but slow.

Finally, Tony decided to make a list of pros and cons: 

_  
Pros:  
Bruce is:  
-hot  
-brilliant  
-nice  
-cool  
-fun to hang out with  
-totally into science  
-he enjoys culture but isn’t pretentious  
-when Tony inevitably put his foot in his mouth Bruce would just sigh in this put-upon way, as if -he had been used to putting up with Tony for years. Tony found it adorable,  
-has great taste in music  
-down to earth  
-doesn’t put up with too much of Tony’s crap but puts up with just enough (Tony knew by now how important this one was to a relationship)  
-kind to others  
-funny   
-compassionate  
-non-judgmental  
-has lips that would probably make Tony beg and cry and love him for it (Tony may have had a fantasy or two about them)._

_Cons:  
Bruce:   
-is secretive about his past  
-seems oddly immune to Tony’s charms. Supposedly. Tony thought the jury was still out on that one.  
-refuses to go out with Tony on a real date no matter how many times Tony asks and won’t go beyond sitting with Tony for coffee while on break  
-pursuant to the above, has tragically not slept with, groped, inappropriately fondled, or even kissed Tony._

__

Tony looked at the lists in satisfaction. The pro list were full of great qualities – things that wouldn’t go away. The con list was just a bunch of temporary obstacles. Tony would just have to wear him down.

He had a suspicion that Bruce would be resistant, but Tony realized that Bruce, being a logical person, could be convinced. 

Tony decided to write another list of pros and cons, this one that Bruce could use to decide to date Tony.

__

_Pros and cons of dating Tony Stark  
Written and compiled by Tony Stark_

_Pros:  
Tony is an amazing human being. Ask anyone.  
Tony is adorable. Even when someone who shall not be named pretends that Tony is exasperating, he secretly finds Tony adorable.  
Tony is a hot dude. Let’s face facts.   
Tony and Bruce have a lot in common.  
Tony has superb taste.  
Tony is a generous, open-minded, considerate lover. I.e., really really good in bed. Ask anyone.  
Dating Tony will get Bruce to get out more and have fun. Bruce seriously needs that.  
Dating Tony is a way for Bruce to keep up with the latest scientific discoveries of note and to have someone to talk to about this stuff.  
Dating Tony will allow Bruce to spend lots of time with Tony, and Bruce obviously secretly wants that.  
Tony is brilliant and funny and a delight to be around._

_Cons:  
Maybe dating Tony would be too much fun. Bruce’s head could explode. He might permanently lose his scowly-face. Anything could happen.  
Maybe Bruce is worried or has heard things about Tony, but Bruce is open-minded enough to make up his own mind about what kind of person Tony is.  
Tony likes to be the center of attention. Luckily, Bruce likes paying attention to him._

__

Tony smiled. He decided that the list was quite complete.

He was almost smug when he handed it to Bruce.

The reaction was… underwhelming.

Tony wasn’t naïve. He knew that Bruce might not fall in love right there. But he at least expected a laugh. Maybe being willing to go out to dinner. 

But really. At least an amused smile.

Bruce rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Tony…,” he paused. “Tony, I told you… I’m not trying to hurt you. And I… really like talking to you.”

“Name one person you like talking to more than me,” Tony said, challenge and charm and joke not quite hiding the edge, the hurt confusion.

Bruce sighed. “I love talking to you. But… I told you. This isn’t going to happen. I’m … sorry. We should probably stop meeting for coffee.” Bruce picked up his cup and started to leave.

“No,” Tony said, surprised at the anger in his voice. “I mean, fine, maybe you don’t like me. But I’m pretty sure you do … I mean, don’t tell me we don’t have something. Just… tell me why.”

“Tony…” Bruce said, shaking his head. Avoiding Tony’s questions. As always.

Tony pushed the list forward. “Tell me one thing on the list that isn’t true. You know what, add stuff if I forgot. I won’t be offended. Just tell me why.” Tony did his best to sound well-reasoned, as if this were a simple disagreement about nanoresistor technology.

“Tony, that’s not a good idea.”

Tony got out a pen and held it out. “Just write it down. Just tell me straight out.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Just write down the cons. I won’t bother you again if you can think of cons. Honest ones.” Tony hated himself at that moment, not even for sounding desperate, but for setting himself up to be criticized, for forcing Bruce to say all the reasons why Tony isn’t the kind of person he could be with. For making it so easy for Bruce to end this, whatever it was, for promising to leave Bruce alone when that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Bruce sighed again. He sat down and took the pen. 

Tony managed not to get up and read over Bruce’s shoulder before he was finished. 

Finally, Bruce slid the paper back over to Tony. As expected, Bruce had added to the Con list.

The new lines were:

_  
Yes, you’re attractive. But some people just shouldn’t be in a relationship. Specifically, I shouldn’t, and you’re going to have to trust me on this one. Because you deserve to be with someone who actually has a shot at making it work._

_Yes, talking to you is great. But great conversation doesn’t make a bad idea a good idea._

_Yes, you’re brilliant at science. Yes, it’s exciting to talk to you about it. But every time we do, I’m reminded of the career I’ll never have._

__

Tony stared at the list and tried to keep his face stoic.

Bruce got up and cleared the dishes. “Sorry, Tony,” he said, and let his hand rest on Tony’s shoulder. It lingered there, just for a second, and Tony closed his eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mentions of substance abuse and past violence.

Tony tried to avoid the coffeeshop. He really did. 

Mostly.

But it really was the best coffee in town, and it really was the only coffeeshop that wasn’t overly crowded in the evenings with people having incredibly loud conversations while Tony was trying to work.

And it wasn’t like Tony could just come in when Bruce wasn’t working. The guy was the owner. He was always there. 

When Tony finally came back, he looked hesitantly at Bruce as he stood at the counter. “I’m just here for the coffee.”

“You’re always welcome for that,” Bruce said. He looked kind but not like he felt sorry for Tony.

Tony wouldn’t have put up with pity.

After that it was easy. Cordial, pleasant, distant, and easy. 

Except for the fact that it was hard. Hard to see Bruce and not do anything about it.

But it was nice to be there, to see that Bruce wasn’t upset that he was there.

Finally, one night right before closing, Bruce was clearing a corner table next to Tony’s, right below the bulletin boards, and he stood next to Tony and said, “You don’t have to do that.”

“Do what?” Tony said innocently. He was the only customer left in the place.

“Cover up your data when I walk by,” Bruce said with vaguely annoyed amusement. “I’m not going to be traumatized by seeing an array of numbers.”

“Sorry,” Tony said. “I just… I remember what you said.”

Bruce sighed and sat down. “I don’t resent you, Tony. I’m glad you’re a scientist. It’s obviously what you should be. And it’s not what I should be.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Bruce answered in that voice that said the question was done. “I loved hearing about your ideas. And I loved seeing how excited you got over your ideas. I even kind of miss it.”

Tony looked at him, wondering how far he could push. “So you liked our talks?” Playing it safe wasn’t his style, Tony berated himself.

“Of course. And it wasn’t that… I’m happy with the coffeeshop. Science… the competitiveness, the clamoring for grant money, the need to be the smartest guy in the room, the blatant encouragement of God complexes… let’s just say that all that may bring out the best in some people. But it brought out the worst in me.”

“Okay,” Tony said, hoping for more.

“It’s not that I still want that. I mean for a long time, I felt like I couldn’t even talk about science without remembering everything. But talking to you, it was just ideas. No bullshit. So … I don’t want you to think I resent you. I don’t want you to think that I’m not happy for your success.”

“Thanks. That’s, um, that’s really nice of you to tell me.”

Bruce started to get up. 

“Wait,” Tony said, “What about….”

Bruce sat back down. “Tony, I – I just didn’t want you to feel bad about anything. You didn’t do anything wrong. But like I said before….”

“You’re not into relationships,” Tony recalled.

“Right.”

“Because you think you have too much baggage?” Tony said.

“Something like that.”

“You said you weren’t supposed to be in a relationship. What does that mean?”

“It means it’s not a good idea,” Bruce answered testily. 

“Are you part of a religious cult that forbids sex? Did a magician cast a spell on you that you’ll turn into a strange creature if you ever fall in love? Is it a giraffe? Are you afraid of turning into a giraffe?”

Bruce rolled his eyes. “This isn’t a joke, Tony,” he said, even as a smile creeped up his lips.

“Then it’s because you have baggage.”

“Yeah, you could put it like that.”

Tony continued, “And your baggage is so much worse than everyone else’s. Because no one else has baggage. And nobody but you could possibly cope with your baggage. It’s special baggage.”

“Tony--”

“Well, what am I supposed to assume?”

“You don’t understand what you would be getting into.”

“Then tell me!” Tony said.

“Don’t yell,” Bruce said.

“Tell me,” Tony whispered softly and got another smile out of Bruce.

“It doesn’t matter. You don’t need to know because it’s not--”

Tony interrupted, “You know I have baggage too.”

“Yeah, no kidding.”

“People say I’m a narcissist. I mean, obviously, they’re just jealous. But people say it.” He gave Bruce a charming smile.

Bruce didn’t look impressed.

“Fine. You want the cards on the table?” Tony said. “Here it is. Yeah, I’m probably an egomaniac. But I really am smarter than most people, so it’s not unfounded. And yeah, sometimes I’m really, you know, somewhat insecure. And I go to a therapist! Because of my baggage. And my therapist thinks I have daddy issues like you wouldn’t believe. And hey, I drink sometimes, I’m basically like almost a functioning alcoholic.”

“You are definitely a functioning alcoholic,” Bruce observed. 

“I was actually kidding for that last thing,” Tony said.

“Tony. Before we started having our chats, you would regularly come in in the middle of the afternoon reeking of tequila. And then you would work for 7 more hours on incredibly difficult problems. You are obviously a high functioning alcoholic.”

“Whatever. My point is, I have tons of issues. Like sometimes, when people ignore me, it makes me want to, you know….”

“Keep going to the same coffeeshop until they speak to you again?”

“Funny. But really, I have issues too. It’s not just you with your special, special issues.”

“Tony, you have no idea what my ‘issues’ are, so maybe you should just stay out of it.” There was actually a slight edge to Bruce’s voice.

“No.”

“Tony!”

“Don’t yell.”

Bruce crossed his arms. “I’m not engaging with you.”

“No one’s asking for a ring yet, buddy. Let’s start with a date.”

“Tony,” Bruce groaned and put his head in his hands.

“Just tell me. Mr Mysterious with your big bad you. You act like you know for a fact that you’d be bad for me. I call bullshit.”

“Really?” Bruce said, voice clipped, “You just assume that you can fix everything by fucking flirting with me?”

“You assume you should be hiding? A fly on the wall could tell you’re lonely. You don’t do anything but work, you hardly talk to anyone--”

“I’m doing what’s best for me!”

“I repeat. I call bullshit!”

Bruce stood up and spat out, trying hard to keep control, “You know why I left my Master’s program, Tony? I slammed my boss’ head into a table again and again. It took 4 people to pull me off him, Tony. Does that sound like minor baggage to you?!?”

“So what? Do you know how many times I almost got kicked out for causing unapproved explosions?”

“Tony! I am not talking about misbehavior and antics and whatever else you get up to,” Bruce said in disbelief. “I sent a man to the hospital with a broken nose and strained elbow.”

“What did he do?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Did he not wash the glassware properly?”

“Tony!”

“What did he do?”

“There’s no excuse for what I-”

“Just tell me what he did!”

“He tried to have me thrown out of school.”

“And?”

“He stole my work. He… he stole my work, and when I found out, he told everyone that I stole his work. Nobody believed me. He went back and changed my exam score from Honors to Fail, and he wrote a letter to the entire faculty making up stories about how he thinks I made up data.”

Tony whistled. “Holy shit.”

“And I was handling it,” Bruce said, hands tightening on the table in front of him, “I was. I was planning on leaving quietly, maybe applying to a different place next year. But when I cleaned out my office, he said… he said that I come from dirt and I might as well go back there.”

“Guy deserved it,” Tony said.

“It doesn’t matter if he deserved it, Tony. I lost control. I … it was like I couldn’t even see. Like I wasn’t me, like I was my….. Tony, I don’t ever want to be that person again.”

“You’re not.”

“Tony! You have a therapist. I have a parole officer and a legally binding order to attend anger management classes. I pled no contest and got parole, but I have a violent felony on my record. You know why I decided to blow every last bit of savings for a down payment on a coffeeshop? Because I applied to be a barista, I figured coffeehouses always kept me calm, but my criminal record kept me out. It’s easier for a felon to own a business than to work at one. I couldn’t get a job working a cash register or moving boxes, Tony. Do you understand? People think I’m not safe to be around. And they’re right.”

Tony stared for a moment, then reached over and gave Bruce’s hip a light pinch.

Bruce wrecked face went confused.

“Want to kill me?” Tony asked.

“Tony.”

“You look like you’re handling your anger just fine. That guy deserved it.”

“Tony…. That was just the worst episode. I have always had this … rage. I have always had something boiling up in me. That’s who I am, and I can’t be with anyone if I can’t control that part of me.”

“Ever hit a boyfriend?”

“Of course not.”

“So only evil power-abusing liar assholes then? I can live with that.”

“Tony!”

“Bruce! Get it through your skull! I am not scared of you!”

“Because you have no sense of self-preservation! Because you have no idea what it’s like to live with someone – with someone who has no control over himself. Who makes everyone terrified of his rage. I won’t - I will _never_ do that. I will never be that.”

“Yeah. I’m sure you won’t.”

“Dammit, Tony, take this seriously! You can’t be this naïve.”

“I am completely fucking serious,” Tony said. “You think you’re dangerous? I think you’re only dangerous to people who are dangerous to you. So we’re back to my original argument: I call bullshit.”

Bruce stared at Tony, amazed at his stubbornness. Finally, he turned toward the bulletin board and sent a fist into it, leaving a large hand-shaped dent. “Do you see!? That’s the kind of man I am, Tony! Sometimes I go home and I punch the wall. I sit alone in my apartment and I punch the wall. _That’s_ the kind of man I am!!!”

Tony looked at the bulletin board. “Yeah, intimidating the bulletin board doesn’t bother me. In fact, I’ll do it too,” Tony said and promptly punched the bulletin board right next to Bruce’s fist imprint.

The two men stared at each other for a second.

Then Tony yelled, “AHHHHH!!!!”

Bruce rolled his eyes.

“I cannot believe punching something hurts so much!” Tony said staring down at his throbbing hand.

“You’re supposed to keep your fist closed tight when you make impact,” Bruce explained calmly.

“Oh.”

Bruce took Tony’s hand in his to look at the scrapes on the knuckles. He sighed. “We’d better get you some ice.”

“You could kiss it better,” Tony threw out there.

Bruce let out a breath, not quite a laugh. He looked resigned, though Tony couldn’t tell yet what he was resigned to.

Bruce brought Tony behind the coffee counter and sat him down on a stool. He assembled a bag of ice and held it gently to Tony’s hand. 

“I’m sorry,” Bruce said.

“You don’t need to be.”

Bruce paused. “I just can’t do what you want Tony. It’s not because I don’t like you.”

“So we’ve established that you like me. Now we just have to establish what you should do about it.”

“You really are the most aggravating person in the world.”

“Why go halfway when you can be the best?”

Bruce actually did laugh at that one.

“Look,” Tony said, “If you don’t want me, fine. But if you’re doing this because you think pushing me away is protecting me, then that just makes you a dick. It should be my choice.”

“I told you,” Bruce said. “I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for me. I need to be… calm. I need to avoid things that get me going. Things that make me lose control of my emotions. I’m not going to risk becoming just like … what I don’t want to become.”

“You won’t,” Tony said, as if he could be certain, as if he could know.

Bruce ignored him with another sigh. He slowly removed the bag of ice from Tony’s hand. “Try and move it around,” he said.

Tony wiggled his fingers. “Feels better. But you could still kiss it better.”

Bruce rolled his eyes again. But he brought Tony’s hand to his lips and gave it a quick kiss. Heat and softness, a tingle of sensation on his skin dulled by ice, the cold making it feel, somehow, distant.


	4. Chapter 4

Bruce did eventually agree to go on a date with Tony. 

After Tony decided that Bruce’s reasons for not wanting a relationship were just a form of self-flagellation, he decided to pursue Bruce again. But he didn’t want to push too hard. So it was just like at first; Tony would order coffee, make a sexual innuendo, watch Bruce roll his eyes, and then work quietly for hours at his favorite table.

Finally, after a particular terrible pun about coffee grinders, Bruce said, “Tony. Do you want to go out to dinner with me?” He said it in a pained voice, as if he were telling a customer that no, he couldn’t change a $100 bill because he bought a cookie. 

Tony said yes.

They went to Indian food and talked about music. It was just like old times. 

Tony wondered if Bruce just felt guilty for yelling at Tony, but he didn’t want to push the issue.

At the end of the night, when Tony dropped Bruce off at his home, they were sitting in Tony’s parked car, continuing their debate.

“I guess I’d better go,” Bruce said finally.

Tony leaned over to kiss him. Bruce didn’t stop him.

His lips were warmer than Tony expected, fuller.

“Please go out with me again,” Tony said after.

Bruce paused.

“I trust you,” Tony said.

Bruce looked at his hands.

“And I was a perfect gentleman,” Tony said. “You should encourage my behavior by going on another date with me.”

A little of the intensity cooled from Bruce’s framed. He smirked and raised his eyebrow at Tony.

Tony added, “And who makes you laugh like I do? You’d better not say Mandy on the weekend shift. She gets all her funny lines from Leno. I would be offended.”

Bruce gave a wan smile. “Tony, I can honestly say that no one has ever made me react quite like you.”

Tony wasn’t sure what to make of that, but he grinned anyway.

“Okay,” Bruce said, shaking his head, “Want to meet for dinner again next weekend?”

“I know a great sushi place?”

Bruce actually smiled. “I’ll see you then.”

***

They dated regularly, even though they both worked a lot of hours. Bruce didn’t like going to clubs. Or anywhere full of drunk obnoxious people – bars were generally out. So they usually went to dinner and then hung out at the only bookstore in town that was still open. 

They went there a lot.

They went to the movies, especially to bad ones they could make fun of. 

Tony tried to keep it casual, was careful to let Bruce feel comfortable, like Tony would never push him into something. He figured he had done enough pushing to get Bruce to go out with him and so now it was time to let Bruce take the reins.

After a couple of months, he did. He invited Tony back to his apartment, made him coffee that was, unbelievably, even better than what was in the shop, and, eventually, asked Tony if he wanted to spend the night.

“You have no idea,” was Tony’s response.

When they were done, they lay next to each other in Bruce’s beds, sweaty bliss. The sound of their breaths seemed loud to Tony.

He rolled over and his face was right by Bruce’s. “Why did you agree to go out with me?”

Bruce raised an eyebrow, the way he always did at Tony, the way Tony loved. “Seriously?” he said. “You have the strangest timing.” He was still panting.

“I have to know.” His eyes pled.

Bruce hesitated. “I… There was this guy. He used to go to the same Coping with Anger class as me. He died after starting a bar fight with someone who was carrying a knife.”

“Wow. I mean, sorry.”

“I didn’t know him that well. But…” Tony could see a softness in his eyes, a pained reluctance. “Anyone with sense would have taken that as confirmation that people like me need to be alone, need to keep calm at any cost. But I… I just… it just made me think about how short life is. How I need to grab what happiness while I can.” He smiled at Tony, asking for something.

Tony leaned in closer, kissed him for a long time before they came back up for air.

“Thank you. For telling me.”

“I’m sorry I said no for so long,” Bruce said.

“That’s okay,” Tony said with a wide smile. “I like that you make me work for it.”

“Are we talking about dating or about what we just did?” Bruce said with a lascivious grin.

Tony playfully tossed a pillow in Bruce’s face.

Bruce threw it aside and pulled Tony’s body closer. He leaned in for another kiss, and it was even better than the last.

***

 

“I have the best surprise ever,” Tony said with confidence.

They had been dating for a few months, so Bruce knew to approach such claims with wariness.

Tony continued, “Congratulations.”

“What?”

“Congratulations. You are the proud recipient of a Howard Stark graduate fellowship.”

“What?” Bruce repeated.

“I explained your story to my dad. He’s um… a little more important in the field of tech development than I led you to believe.”

“Your dad’s… wait. You’re Howard Stark’s son? The billionaire heir, child-genius-grown-up who slept with--” 

“Yeah.” Tony waited for a reaction to his family, to his money; it was usually either repulsion or eagerness. He wasn’t sure which he dreaded more.

Instead, Bruce crossed his arms. “Tony. What did you do?”

“I told my father that you were unjustly screwed. And that you’re a genius. And possibly that if he helped you, you might come to work for him after grad school and make him tons of money with your brilliance. But you don’t have to do that part. Anyway, he donates tons of money to the university, and --”

“What the hell were you thinking?” Bruce said, seething.

“I was – Bruce, you should be a scientist. You’re better at it than almost anyone I know.”

“You had no right, Tony,” he said as he turned away. He was doing his breathing and counting exercises, the ones he did when he saw a parent slap a child in public or heard someone tell misogynistic jokes.

He had never had to do breathing exercises because of Tony before. 

“Bruce,” Tony said and moved so he was again in front of Bruce. “You deserve to have your shot. I know it’s been a while but--”

“You have no idea, Tony! You think because you’re some overprivileged overgrown child who gets whatever he wants--”

“I was helping you!” Tony spat, feeling his heart beat faster, feeling heat overwhelm him, hurt and confusion and especially anger.

“Don’t! I don’t want – I don’t want anything from you!” Bruce started to leave.

Tony grabbed him by the arm and yanked him back. “No. We’re talking about this!”

Bruce looked at him, jaw clenched, vein in his forehead throbbing.

He barely even looked like Bruce.

Tony let go, and Bruce practically ran out the building.

Tony covered his face with his hand. _Best surprise ever._

***

Tony was pretty sure that was a break up. He was treating it like a breakup, complete with binge drinking, followed by ice cream, followed by vomiting. 

Two days later, Bruce showed up at his door.

“I’m sorry,” Bruce said.

“Come in,” Tony answered.

They sat on his couch, Bruce a fair distance from him. 

“I never wanted you to be scared of me,” Bruce said, voice cracking. He was staring at the floor.

“I wasn’t scared.” Mostly true.

“I had no right to speak to you that way.”

“Yes, you were uncharacteristically bitchy.”

“I’m serious, Tony.”

“I am, too. I … I see now that I should have checked with you. I just.. wanted to give you back what was taken from you.”

“I know. I know you were trying to help.”

“But you don’t want my help.”

“I… every time we hang out, Tony, you’re helping me.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” Bruce said. 

“Then … is it because I asked my dad?”

“No. Not really. I mean, I don’t want favors from your dad, but that’s not why I got so upset.”

“Then why?”

Bruce paused.

Tony pressed, “I feel like I have a right to know what’s going to set you off.”

A look of regret washed over Bruce’s face. “Yeah. Of course. I… Tony, were you trying to fix me?”

“What?”

“Would you rather date a scientist than a coffee shop owner?”

Tony gaped. “Of course not. I was – I just thought you still wanted to be a scientist.”

“I don’t. I don’t like that world. I don’t like obsessing over who’s smartest and hiding my materials so no one sabotages my experiments. I don’t like kissing the asses of horrible people who happen to have high IQs. I don’t like ‘selling’ my work and picking projects based on what will get grants. I don’t like the competitiveness of it, the egos involved. How hierarchical it is, how nobody ever thinks about ethics, about who’s going to be hurt or helped by our decisions, about whether the drug company we’re working with will make any provisions for affordability, about whether our work will ever be weaponized. I mean, my issues, they’re my own. My genes or my upbringing, either way. But science… I wasn’t a good person when I was there. Some people aren’t affected by it. But I was.”

“I didn’t know.”

“You could have asked.”

”Sorry.”

“I have a lot more to be sorry about,” Bruce said.

“Yeah, you do. I’m not mad that you yelled at me. Or that you needed time to cool off before talking. I get that.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Tony said. “But you let me go two days thinking you just dumped me. You let me spend two days thinking that I ruined everything.”

A wave of realization crossed Bruce’s face. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be.”

Bruce moved closer. “It won’t happen again.”

Tony paused. “Good. And I’m sorry too. I just wanted to, you know…”

“Fix my life?”

“No! I mean…” Tony trailed off. “I just think… you’re still kind of upset about what happened.” _More like, Bruce was still scarred by what happened, still lived with his past like it was a ghost._ “I wanted to make you happy.”

“Tony, trying to get back something I left behind long ago isn’t going to make me happy. Doing stuff for me behind my back won’t either.”

“I get it. Now,” Tony added with a sheepish smile.

“I am happy.”

Tony looked skeptical. Neither of them mentioned how often Bruce was miserable. 

Bruce added, “Look, I’m not… I’m never going to have rose-colored glasses. Which I guess is understatement of the year. But I’m happier with you than I ever have been.”

Tony wasn’t sure if he should feel grateful or sad.

Bruce reached over and interlaced his fingers with Tony’s. “Really. I’m happy with you.”

“Me too,” Tony finally said with a smile. “So… you’re not mad that I hid who my family is?”

“Not at all. I understand what it’s like to not want to be judged by where you come from.”

Tony pointedly didn’t ask what that meant. 

“Are we… are we okay then?” Tony asked.

Bruce leaned over and kissed Tony on the cheek. “Yeah. I think we’re okay.” 

Tony rested his head on Bruce’s shoulder. “See? We had a fight and we’re okay. I knew I was right to trust you,” he said, mocking tone belying his point.

“Maybe you were,” Bruce said noncommittally. Tony considered it progress.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moments that made Tony think it might actually work.

This was new to Tony.

A relationship. Lasting more than a few months. 

He tried not to let on that he was clueless. But he figured most people were clueless when it came to relationships. At least if his family and friends were any indication.

He tried to research relationships, but most books on the subject were drivel, Tony found. He tried to use them figure out his and Bruce’s “milestones” but that didn’t work either. It was weeks before Tony even noticed Bruce had been leaving an extra toothbrush at Tony’s place, so that actually didn’t seem like a ‘big relationship moment.’ And Tony was always leaving clothes on the floor of Bruce’s apartment, and Bruce would always hang them up, and Tony had so many more clothes than Bruce that it was no time before Tony’s clothes took up more than half of Bruce’s closet, and neither of them even noticed. 

Tony was starting to think that ‘relationship milestones’ were a sham. 

So he decided to just keep track of the moments he thought were important. Little things they said or did that made Tony think they might be able to figure it out after all.

Definitely better than those “Me and My Needs” charts the self-help books asked him to fill out.

 

***

Bruce poked Tony in the ribs. 

“What?” Tony said, still half asleep.

“You snore too loud.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Do you want me to go sleep on the couch?” Tony asked.

Bruce paused. “No. I want you here. But if I’m going to get woken up by your snoring, you’re going to get woken up to hear my complaints.”

Tony snuggled closer. “Okay.”

***

“You’re not jealous, are you?” Tony asked.

“No.”

“Upset?” Tony never asked him if he was angry.

“No.”

“You seem upset?”

“Annoyed.”

“I’m totally not into that guy,” Tony said.

“I know.” Bruce kept his eyes on the road as he continued driving.

“You know?”

“You were just flirting with him because you were pissed about my ex being there.”

“I like her. She seems lovely. And brilliant. And great.”

“And that’s why with you were flirting with some guy with the wit of a box of rocks.”

“So you are upset.”

“Do you want me to be upset?” Bruce said with a sigh.

“Kind of flattering, isn’t it?”

“No.”

“Was she calming?”

“What?” Bruce looked over at Tony in the passenger seat.

“You’re always worried about, you know. Before we got together, you said you didn’t want to be with anyone. So… I guess she must have been pretty special.”

Tony didn’t even care he was being transparent.

“I knew her before.”

“What?” Tony said.

“Before… the incident. I knew her before. That’s why... we tried.”

“So she was calming?”

Bruce paused. “Yeah. She was calming.”

“And would you describe me as…..?” Tony asked.

“Egomaniacal.”

“Not funny.”

“Totally funny.”

Tony crossed his arms.

Bruce looked over. “Hey, it didn’t work between me and her. And that’s okay. Nothing to do with us?”

“Why didn’t it work with her? Was she… like was it similar to or different to our relationship? Did she, you know,…”

“It wasn’t anything she did wrong. Nothing that I’m worried about you’re doing wrong. If that’s what you’re asking.”

“I’m not worried about that,” Tony said, all false nonchalance.

“We just weren’t right for each other,” Bruce said. “Okay?”

“Okay.” Tony looked reassured.

“And Tony?”

“Yeah?”

“Stop flirting with other men. It pisses me off.”

“So you _were_ jealous. I knew it.”

Bruce didn’t answer. 

Tony laughed. “Sure, I’ll have no problem being flirtatious. Otherwise you might leave me in passive aggressive silence for half the ride home.”

“I’m not the jealous type,” Bruce said.

“Yeah. But you’re so madly into me that you can’t stand it when I flirt. Hmm, now that I know that it gets a rise out of you…” Tony grinned.

Bruce looked genuinely annoyed. “If you flirt, do it subtly. If you’re over the top like you were tonight, you know what I’m going to do?”

“I’m so very terrified.”

“I’m going to refuse to sleep with you.”

“The whole night?”

“Maybe a week,” Bruce said, smiling.

“My boyfriend is cruel. He is unconscionably cruel to me.”

Bruce just smirked.

***

“Sorry about that,” Tony said as they finally arrived back at Tony’s place. A paparazzo had snapped a picture at his father’s company gala that night, and soon random strangers would be approaching Bruce to say who knows what about Tony. “I mean, you didn’t even want to come tonight.”

“I’m just not into parties.”

“And my father – I mean he’s that cold to everyone,” Tony said. “Me especially, okay? So don’t take it personally.”

“It’s fine,” Bruce said as he plopped off his shoes and fell onto the couch. 

Tony sat down next to him. He wished he could make it all right. “I just don’t want you to regret being with me.”

“I don’t,” Bruce said, rubbing a hand on Tony’s back.

“Even if being with me is going to be a huge pain in your ass?” Tony said as he took off his bow tie. 

“I thought we were talking about what happened at the party.”

Tony threw the loose bowtie at Bruce’s head.

“So violent,” Bruce joked.

“You really don’t mind all this… crap?” Tony asked.

“It’s part of your life. So it’s part of mine. We’ll deal.”

“Wow. That’s very enlightened. Maybe all that yoga has made you wiser.”

Bruce threw the bowtie back at Tony, where it landed square in his face.

 

***

They had spent four hours talking about Tony’s new idea for the materials science lab before Tony thought to ask, “Is this okay?”

“What?”

“Talking about this?”

“What?”

“Science,” Tony said, nervously.

Bruce paused, then let out a smile. “I actually wasn’t even thinking about that stuff.”

“Really?”

“I don’t mourn for that life anymore,” Bruce said.

Tony looked skeptical.

Bruce added, “Okay, I can talk about science with you and it’s just a fun topic I like. I don’t always think about the heavy stuff.”

“Like what happened to you?”

“Like what I might become,” Bruce said pointedly. He seemed to resent the implication that he couldn’t get over being betrayed. 

“Okay.”

“I know you think I’m worried about nothing,” Bruce said, hint of resentment in his voice.

“It’s not nothing. I know it’s not nothing,” Tony said. He didn’t really want to get into this again. “Hey, you want to know something about my other mentor, the one I did my exams for?”

“Sure,” Bruce said, confused.

“I never told you this. He failed me. Even though I aced every question. One of the other committee members later told me the guy was jealous of me. During the exam, I accidentally disproved the theory he was famous for.”

“That doesn’t sound good,” Bruce said.

 

“Yeah. It’s… I had to get a different chair for my second try at the exams. But that was against the rules. I … I had to ask my dad to call in a favor.” Tony felt a little sick saying it.

“Oh.” 

“I had never done that. Not for a single grade, a single application. I even applied to grad school with a fake name so I knew that it was really me getting in. I had _never_ needed my father to help me with anything academic. Ever.”

“But this was because you got screwed over. It was justified,” Bruce said.

Tony looked down guiltily. “Yeah.”

Bruce looked at him. “You feel bad that you had a card to play that I didn’t. That’s why you didn’t tell me until now.”

“I’m sorry,” Tony said.

“That guy should be sorry. Not you. And I don’t resent you, you know? I’m happy for your success. And I love your talent, okay?”

Tony smiled, wan. “Okay.”

“In fact, your intelligence is 10% of the reason I like you.”

“Really? What about the other 90%?” Tony said, happy to turn the conversation in this direction.

“The other 90% is your mouth.”

“That is degrading and perverse. You are a very degrading and perverse man,” Tony said.

Bruce shrugged. “I am what I am.”

***

 

“I read your mail,” Tony blurted out when Bruce walked in the door. 

“What?” 

Tony paused. “The letters you always throw away without reading. I took it out of the garbage.” The letters from the prison.

Tony could see Bruce’s jaw twitch.

Tony knew he should give Bruce some space, some time. Instead he asked: “Why won’t you visit him if he wants you to?”

“Don’t bring this up again,” Bruce said, his voice unnaturally calm and measured. Cold.

He walked back out the door. 

Tony spent the evening waiting. He did an impressive job of not panicking, he thought.

At about 1AM, Bruce came back in. Tony was watching an old movie on the couch, but he turned it off as Bruce sat next to him.

“Sorry I was gone so long.”

“It’s okay,” Tony said. “I knew you would come back.” He was pretty sure. 

Bruce looked relieved, like he didn’t expect that Tony would be able to handle it if Bruce needed to walk away for a while.

“I know I crossed a line,” Tony said.

“A really big line.”

“I’m sorry. I… let the curiosity get the best of me.”

Bruce ignored the obviousness of that statement. “I know it’s hard for you. That there are all these parts of myself that I can’t talk about. It’s not… it’s not because I don’t trust you. But I need to deal with some things the way I can. Okay? This can’t happen again, okay?”

“Of course.” Even Tony knew that opening the boyfriend’s mail is a little too far into asshole boyfriend territory. Plus technically illegal.

Bruce stared down at his hands. “Okay.”

“Do you want to talk about--”

“No,” Bruce said gently.

“What did he do?” Tony said.

Bruce looked at Tony then, the intensity almost taking Tony’s breath away, and for a second Tony was terrified. Not of Bruce; terrified that he would never be able to make Bruce feel better, feel like it was all worth it, that he would never be able to be for Bruce what Bruce had become for him. 

But Bruce finally said, “I need you to understand this. I’m not ever going to talk about my father. And I don’t want you to look into it on your own. I _need_ to be able to trust you in this, Tony.”

“Yes. It’s okay, Bruce. I don’t need to know. You’re nothing like him.”

“You don’t know him.”

“I know you’re nothing like him. I don’t need to know about him. I only need you. I promise.”

Bruce paused, and Tony wondered if their fight was about to continue. 

Instead, Bruce just said “Thank you,” and leaned forward to put his head in his hands.

At first, Tony thought Bruce was doing his counting exercises, but then he realized: Bruce was crying. Silently, motionlessly, like he probably always did, Tony guessed, even though he had never seen Bruce cry before.

He tentatively slid a hand onto Bruce’s shoulder, then moved closer. Soon he was holding Bruce, covering as much of him as he could with his arms. 

Bruce never told him about his father. But that night, he let Tony hold him.

 

***

Tony asked Bruce to move in with him eight times before Bruce finally revealed that his refusals had nothing to do with being ready to move in.

“I don’t feel comfortable living off of your money,” Bruce admitted.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Tony.”

“Okay. Then I’ll move into your place.” 

“You’re going to move into my tiny dingy apartment?”

“You don’t like your apartment?”

“I like it, sure.”

“Good. I love your apartment.”

Bruce sighed. “You really want this?”

Tony paused. “You don’t think we’re ready for this?”

Bruce smiled. “For you to move in? Definitely.”

Tony leaned in to kiss him.

“Though I have no idea where we’re going to put your stuff.

Tony ended putting most of his stuff in storage. They kept Bruce’s furniture except for the pine kitchen table from Tony’s apartment that they had always managed to find recreational uses for.

When they moved in the boxes, Tony deftly found ways to fit his things in spaces that didn’t seem capable of such volume.

“Maybe you missed your calling as a professional organizer,” Bruce said, duly impressed, “Or as a TARDIS manager.”

“Who-ference. Nice,” Tony said. “Actually, when I was a freshman, I didn’t want to scientist.”

“What did you want to be,” Bruce said, looking honestly surprised that Tony could be anything but.

“I wanted to be an actor.”

Bruce smirked.

“Hey,” Tony said, “I was Hamlet in the college play. I was incredibly good.”

“Really? You were good at playing a narcissistic young man who overthinks things, gets into trouble, and has half the town thinking he must be mad?” 

“Yes. And I looked good in the tights too.”

“I bet,” Bruce said with a grin. “So are you upset about not being a star of the theater, or are you happy with how things turned out.”

Tony looked into Bruce’s eyes, not caring how sappy he was being. “I couldn’t be happier with how things turned out.”

Bruce pulled him into a hug and they lingered there for a long time. 

Tony asked, softly, his face resting on Bruce’s shoulder, “Do you ever think about all the times that, you know, we almost didn’t get here.”

Bruce gently palmed Tony’s jaw to lift his face up to his. “No,” Bruce said, and he kissed Tony, long and soft and heated with promise.

It reminded Tony of the first kiss they ever had.


End file.
